There has never, in the history of the world, been a competition that had no terms and conditions.
I don't even know if such a competition could exist.
Okay, let's try to imagine it. A competition without terms would have no entry mechanic. It would have no cut-off date. And it would have no means of deciding a winner. So it would basically be a competition open to anyone in the world, forever, that they could enter any way they wanted, and there would be no way of knowing who won.
That is the grim future that a heroic lawyer at the Mazda corporation is protecting us from, in the ad above.
Unfortunately, this lawyer remains anonymous. We will never know his or her name. Their achievement will go unrecognised, unrewarded.
And I, for one, don't think that's fair.
I have therefore taken the liberty of composing a short poem in honour of this fine lawyer.
As you will shortly realise, I am not experienced - or indeed skilled - in the art of writing poetry.
But I hope that my sincerity and genuine appreciation for this unsung hero (or heroine), will nevertheless shine through.
Ode To A Lawyer
Lawyer, lawyer, burning bright
In your office, late at night
Knees are weak, arms are heavy,
Just finished the last of mum's spaghetti,
Such a long day, your brain feels floppy
But before you go home,
Got to check this Mazda ad copy
It's a one-word headline
Should be simple enough
No dubious claims
Or marketing fluff
But o horror of horrors -
Most unfortunate day
You can't pass this ad
Not like that
Oh no way.
People might think that everyone can win
And that is no state for society to be in
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Ignore the agency when they continually moan
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are totes losing their shit
Then you're doing your job well
So you don't falter, not one bit
You won't be deflected, you won't be deterred
You act out of love, you're protecting the herd
With shift 8 on your keyboard - the asterisk key
You keep the world safe, you keep our world free*
*'Free' in this context refers to free as in 'freedom', not free as in 'no cost'. Charges for living in our world may apply. E.g. for food and whatnot.