Sent to me by a very senior production company person, who stresses that he loves working with ad agencies, and this is just a bit of fun:

The map is wrong, how do they expect us to get to the location? Look, they mis-spelled my fucking name! What happens if it rains? That’s all they do is drive trucks? I have to have coffee. Don’t they have chairs for us? When you’re lit the client would like to look through the lens. Are we going to see that cross on the film? Can they make her look more French? Can she hold it closer to her face? It looks like something’s on fire. We forgot the product – have you got a runner who can go to the shops? He did it in casting. Can we make the product larger? Why does it look so dark? Can we pause on the bite? Is the video guy asleep? Unfortunately we don’t have the right pack but we can fix that in post can’t we? I liked it better in the animatic. Which one is the eyepiece? What am I looking at? The client is very sensitive about that - I don’t think we should bring it up. Where is my Evian? Nobody told me. When is lunch? He doesn’t care what it costs, he’s not fucking paying for it! Why isn’t she smiling? I hope we’re not having Italian, we had Italian yesterday. Where are they going to put the camera next? It worked fine in the test kitchen. Can you find me a charger? Is this the same guy we cast? That’s not what we discussed in the PPM. Can the Client get his hair cut? Can we cast a model with size three shoes... like me? Can we shoot it both ways? Can’t we get wi-fi up here? Breakfast was beautiful. The drinks are great but tomorrow could you serve the client’s product instead? What is the call time for us? Where’s the best restaurant? How do we get to the hotel? Do you need us anymore?

Do they mean us? I rather fear that they do...

How many have you said?