The estimable Northern Planner has posted what he calls Some things I have noticed of little relevance.

Good on him. It's rather limiting trying to have insights just about cars, beer, jeans or mobile phone networks, is it not? Much more fun to have insights about whatever you want for a change.

Here's my ten:

1. It would be cheaper for an employer to have people bumped off than make them redundant. You can get a hit-man for around £5,000 in the East End, apparently.

2. How come one woman can have breasts that are 8 times as big as another woman’s, but there is no whole woman who is 8 times bigger than another?

3. There have been 80 generations since the birth of Christ. That’s not many. If you’re descended from Jesus, you’re 1/160 Jesus.

4. I no longer pick up 1p or 2p coins if I see one on the pavement. It has to be 5p. Even then I won’t if it’s raining. If it’s raining, it has to be 20p.

5. Wouldn’t it be ironic if the only people who COULDN’T be brought back to life were people who had been cryogenically frozen?

6. Kids don’t drink alcohol – they don’t need to because they don’t have jobs

7. Once you have a baby, you can forget about decaff.

8. Seeing as your parents are going to love you however you turn out, and whatever you do… is that love meaningful?

9. Most people support a football team because it’s their local team. But nowadays it's common that not a single one of the players is from there.

10. Cat shit is modular, like the body of an earwig or a giant ant or something.

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